The Anscombe Society

Monday Morning Links

2013-02-25T15:40:26Z

A review of What is Marriage? http://www.firstthings.com/article/2013/02/a-review-what-is-marriage-man-and-woman-a-defense

A new longitudinal study is out about gay conversion therapy and its effectiveness http://www.firstthings.com/onthesquare/2013/01/false-hope-and-gay-conversion-therapy

Tony Esolen's reflections on hedonism and community http://www.touchstonemag.com/archives/article.php?id=26-01-028-f

The problems with sperm donation http://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2013/02/7571/

...and with online dating http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/01/a-million-first-dates/309195/

A review of a new book about the increasing gender gap in education http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/02/a-new-book-that-finally-tells-the-truth-about-the-rise-of-women/273342/

Marriage and the folly of false advertising http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/01/marriage-is-not-a-24-7-sleepover-party/272684/

Valentine's Day Misobserved

2013-02-22T22:23:08Z

Valentine's Day is poorly kept by those who ignore it openly and by those who observe it privately. This past Thursday it came and went and there was no public ceremony accompanying it, which strikes me as strange. Most holidays involve families, religious communities, and countries, but contemporary Valentine's Day is usually only celebrated by two individuals together, privately. It's a private holiday, which runs against an essential feature of holidays- their public observance.

So I don't blame singles who feel apathy towards the holiday. It's become a holiday about private love among adults (its observance among schoolchildren is different). It's not always secret love, but Valentine's Day romances have more akin to Romeo and Juliet's than Prince William and Kate Middleton's. Many people think that the day is only about couples appreciating each other, and that any public ostentation is just a symbol to your lover of how proud you are of your relationship. So if Valentine's Day is about private love, it excludes participation by the rest of the community. I want to make a case for a new observance of Valentine's Day, which even singles should be excited about.

The private nature of the holiday is problematic for any number of reasons, but mostly it misses what Valentine's Day could be about: courteous love. Courteous love is most prominently represented in art. To discover what courteous love means, consider the ballet Sleeping Beauty. Love is not just affection between Aurora and her prince, but an event in which her whole community takes part. Her father and mother preside over the court, the onlookers approve the lovers through their acclamation, and all the other young couples liken their own romances to Aurora's. Courteous love is a culture of men and women coming together in rituals of modest affection, which the community also participates in. Courteous love consists of events with partner and group dances, public recitations of romantic poetry, and plays and musical performances with romantic themes. Any activity which publicly and chastely expressed love through a ritual would count as courteous love.

Generally, courteous love gets short shrift in our culture today, which is unfortunate because it's so integral to culture's existence. Courteous love is deeply communal. The most important aspects of a romance occur in public events and ceremonies rather than private trysts. For example, courteous love is best shown in wedding ceremonies. Weddings affirm the union of the sexes and acclaim the joy of marriage for the spouses and for the community. In this way, a marriage is not only a private contract but also a public celebration. Courteous love is an affirmation of the principle of a community: that there is some public good above each individual's own personal goals. Courteous love portrays community as being joyful for its own sake rather than a useful tool for personal aims. It affirms the union of the sexes and acclaims the joy of marriage for the spouses and for the community. Courteous love inspires onlookers with its fulfilling depiction of selflessness and shows how care ennobles the lover.

People are skeptical of courteous love, not because it's unrealizable in our culture, but because it's unappealing to our sensibilities. Courteous love is tied to public performance, which can appear hollow. People wonder, "Are they really in love or just going through the motions?" Certainly, there is ritual in a courteous love culture, but plenty of lovers go through the motions in our private love culture. Instead of deceiving the public, these private lovers deceive themselves.

Moreover, ritual is meaning-affirming, and public ritual is even more meaning-affirming. A public wedding generally means more than a private wedding attended only by the spouses, which in turn means more than being married in common law. Rituals make more lasting memories and give social significance to our actions and relationships.

Rituals do more than convey the meaning and significance of their love to the lovers ("how do we know this love is real and matters?") but they also teach them the actions of love ("how do we love?"). We can recognize the value of romantic love by performing loving actions in other types of relationships. For example, if you give a homeless person money every time you see her, then you may find yourself loving her eventually. Practicing acts of kindness toward parents and children, neighbors, and friends also fosters love. Similarly, the romantic lovers practice courteous love through repeated ritual.

I don't mean to suggest that romance is the only important type of relationship in a community. There needs to be love between parents and children, neighbors, and friends. If a society lacked a healthy friendship culture, a flourishing culture of courteous love would be irrelevant because that society would already be dysfunctional. Yet, a romance culture must flourish for a community to be cohesive, and a romance culture really flourishes when it has the support of the community, when singles and couples form a cohesive culture.

Courteous love is fulfilling for the lovers, but more distinctively it allows the community (singles included) to participate and confirm their love. It draws lovers closer by including the community, while binding the community tighter with the bonds of romantic love.

Monday Morning Links

2012-11-19T12:00:00Z

Hedonist, Disciple or Bourgeois?

Theodicy and sexual frustration

Having babies stops women being equal to men, says Lib Dem minister Lynne Featherstone

French Catholics march against planned legalisation of same-sex marriage

The Abolition of Man-and-Woman: On Marriage, Grammar, and Legal Strategy

Monday Morning Links

2012-11-12T12:00:00Z

Noviores nuntii:

Maine, Maryland vote to legalize gay marriage

Washington voters approve gay marriage

Minnesota rejects same-sex marriage ban

French Cabinet Advances Gay Marriage Bill Despite Conservatives' Opposition

Liberian Christians and Muslims campaign against gay marriage

Millions of lonely people: The tragic legacy of the Left's war on families

Monday Morning Links

2012-11-05T12:00:00Z

Nuntii recentiores:

Gay marriage initiatives on four states' ballots

Rural France in revolt at Hollande's plans to legalise gay marriage

French Nat'l Assembly votes for full funding of abortion, free contraception for girls 15 and up

Same-Sex Marriage Ten Years On: Lessons from Canada

Monday Morning Links

2012-10-15T11:00:00Z

In the news recently:

Diversity Officer Suspended for Supporting Traditional Marriage

'Parent 1' and 'parent 2' could legally replace mom and dad in France

Ukraine To Ban 'Homosexual Propaganda'

Co-ed Crew: Reality vs. Taboo

Inspiring Prince Article

2012-09-23T15:49:41Z

Last week an anonymous student published this article in the Daily Princetonian. In it, she discusses the mistakes she made her first year at college, and the way they've taught her to hate the hookup culture:

I was so sheltered and naive as a freshman that I can barely believe I am that same person today. And I just wish someone had told me that the reality of hooking up is monumentally different from what I was expecting. I wish someone had told me that you don't get into a relationship by meeting someone on the Street and taking him home or that they won't even text you the next day. I wish someone had told me that when a guy says, "Hey, I want to show you this really funny video, but it's in my room," he's going to show you much more than a video. And the awkwardness that happens when your hookup flat out pretends you don't exist the day after? No one warned me about that!

Welcome Back, Anscombe!

2012-09-14T19:15:34Z

I hope you have all had a good summer, and are returning to--or arriving at--Princeton rested and refreshed. Below is a list of our upcoming events; if you have questions, or are interested in being added to the mailing list, please send me an email: apollnow@princeton.edu

Upcoming Events:

Anscombe Open House: Monday, September 17, 6:00-7:30 pm in 220 Frist. Meet members of the Anscombe Society and enjoy various refreshments. Bring questions or comments, or just stop by to say hello.

First Meeting: Friday, September 21, 12:45pm, Rocky Private Dining Room. Join us for our first lunch discussion of the year. The topic will be "A Tale of Two Ivies" (http://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2012/09/6214), an article about the sexual culture at Columbia and at Yale.

Pro-Life, Pro-Family Reception: Sunday, September 23, 3:00-4:30pm, Mathey Common Room. Join the Anscombe Society, Princeton Pro-Life, and supportive faculty, staff, and community members for a reception with cookies. Student leaders will present on group activities the past year and plans for the coming year.

Love and Fidelity Network Conference: November 2-3, in Princeton. The Love and Fidelity Network's annual conference aims to connect college men and women to leading scholars and experts in order to equip them with the best arguments and resources in support of marriage, family, and sexual integrity. Participants will also find ample opportunity to network with and learn from each other, and attend sessions to help develop leadership skills in bringing the "love and fidelity" message back to their respective campuses.

Reunions Pro-Life, Pro-Family Reception

2012-06-01T03:45:57Z

Join us tomorrow for this year's Pro-Life, Pro-Family Reunion Reception. Professor Robert P. George will offer a few words about the role of the pro-life and pro-family message at Princeton and student leaders of Princeton Pro-Life and the Anscombe Society will be present to update alumni, students, and friends about their activities this past year and plans for next semester. Come when you can and leave when you wish! Families are, of course, welcome.

The event will be held tomorrow (Friday June 1) from 4:30-6pm in the 1915 room of Butler. The facebook event can be found here.

Monday Morning Links

2012-05-07T14:50:13Z

In the news of late:

Two Steps from Reasonable About Marriage

More Teen Girls Use Effective Birth Control

Obama Cabinet member Arne Duncan backs gay marriage, one day after Biden comments

To-morrow: Same-sex marriage measure set for vote in North Carolina

Wrapping Up

2012-05-02T19:23:43Z

Thanks to everyone who has helped out this past year and semester. Since January we've postered for Valentine's Day, hosted study breaks and two sessions of "Ask an Anscomber Anything", and enjoyed two Anscombe seminar series, with Dr. Matthew O'Brien and with Professor Christopher Tollefsen. Thanks to GE, Monday Morning Links is now back. (One of our next projects will be improving the blog in earnest - if you're interested in writing please email me: apollnow@princeton.edu).

We will not be holding regular club meetings for the rest of the semester--the officers will meet to plan for next year, and other than that we will meet as a club only if something comes up. So there will be no meeting on Friday; however, two upcoming events which may be of interest:

TONIGHT (May 2): "Demographic Winter," a film screening hosted by Princeton Pro-Life in the Frist West TV Lounge at 9pm.

June 1, 4:30pm - Pro-Life, Pro-Family Reception. Featuring free food and sympathetic alumni, professors, students, and community members, this event will be on the Friday of reunions in Butler 1915 room.

I hope you all finish up your semester victoriously. It has been a pleasure working with you this year.

Monday Morning Links

2012-04-30T12:00:00Z

In this news recently:

Opposition to gay marriage lower in 2012 campaign

Ruling Extends Sex-Discrimination Protection to Transgender Woman Denied Federal Job

Marriage or savagery: Lithuania debates the family

The Battle Against Nature's Sexism

Pre-Frosh Debrief

2012-04-28T01:33:53Z

After a couple of busy weeks, we have finished welcoming the pre-frosh. We met a number of fresh faces at both of the activities fairs, and hosted two delicious open houses (with Bent Spoon cupcakes). Pre-frosh who are interested in Anscombe or have questions about Princeton can email me: apollnow@princeton.edu.

Welcome Pre-Frosh!

2012-04-19T00:46:06Z

This Friday the Anscombe Society is hosting a study break (a "chastitea," in fact) to welcome prospective Princeton students. The event will be from 8:00pm-9:00pm in the 1915 room of Butler. (The room is on the north side of the building, separated from the rest of it by an arch.) Join us!

Ask an Anscomber Anything

2012-04-09T23:22:32Z

Tomorrow at 4:30pm in Murray-Dodge 22 we will be hosting an informal dinner discussion. All are welcome, and Anscombe members will answer questions on behalf of themselves (rather than the club). The Facebook link can be found here.