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July 11, 2005
The America Complex
Yikes. I knew that I'd be living in one of the richest PiA countries, but I wasn't really prepared. The contrast here in Seoul would be nothing compared to what Sally is seeing. Getting a post in the richest city in an almost-developed country makes me feel pretty damn guilty compared to her, actually.
To carry that further, I am acutely aware that, even though I'm making less than what I could make even as an English teacher, I'm still making much more than the average GDP per capita of this country. And I'm what, 21 years old? That's ridiculous.
Which makes me realize something I've never wanted to admit: I am rich. I've always tried to deny it. My family background and national background (land of opportuniy, egalitarianism, etc) both encouraged me to think of whatever money I had as legitimately earned.
But here in Seoul a nagging feeling that I've had for years finally snaps into focus: I don't earn nearly all of what I make. At least half of it my background earns for me.
This is one of those things that are patently obvious to everyone else and worthy of the exclamation "Duh." But, I don't really know what to make of this dilemma yet (a euphemistic way of saying that I'm not ready to give up my cushy lifestyle yet). Perhaps watching other Princton-in-Asia fellows deal with it in a much more visceral way than I will may help.
Posted by b-applegate at July 11, 2005 11:20 AM
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Comments
It's so much fun to view your own life in socio-economic perspective! I've had my life threatened twice in the last two days by dudes on the train trying to collect change from my kids (who aren't supposed to speak to strangers), so I, too, have been experiencing interestingly visceral, consciousness-multiplying moments. To know that I can experience, simultaneously, an awareness of the specific (the man accusing and threatening me, a man way past 25 who may or may not be high but is certainly lacking in tact, knowing this man is probably as vicious as he is because he needs anger to subdue the shame he'd feel if he stopped to analyze his actions) and the general (knowing that truth lies behind his whole tirade about racism in America, while also knowing much of what he says is wholly mistaken, including his "I know you by looking at you that you're racist" bit, the bit before he told me he'd kill me at the station or in my sleep) is reassuring. Perspective is always useful in these moments, I think, though encountering them remains, nonetheless, somewhat unpleasant. But that's what learning is about, right?
Anyways...hope all is well, Bennyboy.
Posted by: K.Bow at July 11, 2005 1:06 PM