Shame & Daughters of Shame
By Jasvinder Sanghera
Sanghera's first book, Shame covers the story of her own life--running away from home to avoid a forced marriage. From her sikh family's perspective, this arranged/forced marriage and domestic abuse was the norm. However, Jasvinder saw differently as many young girls in her position do. So she ran. She overcame terrible hardship and faced a constant challenge of rebuilding her life without family
From that brief description, where did you picture Jasvinder's family living? A small village in India or maybe in New Delhi? The mountains of Pakistan? The backwaters of Kerela? The most pious of Muslim households?
Jasvinder's family is from India, but there are migrants to the UK. She was born in Derby, England. Her books and life's work revolve around ending forced marriage in our very western backyard. The number of South Asian and Islamic immigrants that have flooded into the UK have created a subculture. Typically, we Americans accept subcultures and "cultural diversity" in our giant melting pot of a country. However, in this case there tends to be little effort by the older generations to assimilate at all, retaining their language, customs and way of life and forcing it upon their double-culture kids. For some this involves accepted and very hidden domestic abuse, forced marriage and in some cases rape. But how does the law of a western nation step into a Muslim household that wants nothing to do with the filth that is western culture. They may have immigrated to improve their standard of living, but according to the picture Jasvinder paints, a strong majority are not willing to change their culture. Maintaining a sense of identity and culture is understandable, but this culture based on respect, honour, and the family name has brought more harm than benefit to most in the family. Moreover, the children of such households are living double lives. By day they attend school and try to fit like any child would, by night they are back in conservative clothing and some are being "trained" for marriage, service and a "traditional" life.
I could ramble on this topic for an eternity, but I shan't. I highly highly recommend you pick up Daughters of Shame. It's one you will not be able to put down. After Jasvinder rebuilt her life she began working to fight forced marriages. She founded Karma Nirvana, a UK charity that works with young women and now men to get them out of abusive situations. One of the main reasons Jasvinder founded KN was because her sister, a victim of forced marriage, committed suicide by self immolation. Having dealt with this issue so closely, worked with hundred of victims, spoken to thousands and thousands of people and worked closely with law enforcement, Jasvinder is able to provide both an accurate and shocking account of abuses that happen right in our so-called developed world. These are by no means easy topics to read about and some stories seem unreal. For this reason, we should read about them. Awareness is always the first step.
