malae bulak

Anyone who thinks that life is anything other than Darwinism is a complete twat. This world is all against all, people, and never forget it. Animals are the perfect example of this fact. The chickens of this country (manu) are trying to slowly kill me through sleep deprivation. They don't realize that DARKNESS = SLEEP. I feel like giving them a thorough lesson about this fact. I friggen show 'em darkness. I feel like being the night-time vigilante that stalks the most obnoxious of obnoxious chickens with a .22 at four in the morning. I'd wear black and a bloody (lit.) chicken feather in my hat and stalk the brainless bastards. I'd then leave the precisely assassinated corpses on the porches of their owners, for them to enjoy in whatever way they see fit, I don't care as long as the thing meets his maker and attempts to give a plausible explanation about why it is necessary to turn every living creature's sleep around it into a living, waking nightmare.

Someone told me that I would get used to the things within a week. L-I-A-R. Let's just say that I am getting remarkably fit because there is nothing to do at 5 in the morning but go running on the beach and try to forget the misery of massive sleep deprivation. I also have rediscovered my carnivore instinct. I will, I promise myself, personally eat through timor's entire chicken population. I will drive prices so high for chicken meat that even the skinniest-necked thing will be slaughtered in greed.

Dogs, I can't strike such vengeance. They too are responsible for my anguished coffee-filled mornings, but they look so pathetic and scrawny in the morning that I can't bring myself to imagine eating them.

Pigs . . . ahh pigs. Pork can be gross, inherently at times. Fat lines dripping off of pink-slug-like strings. I shudder, but I eat it. The animals are mean and territorial. They think my road is theirs. I mean, it's not really mine, in fact I am quite a stranger and eternally an outsider on it â€" but WHY can a pig chase me off my own lane. Well, if it's like the 300-pound gorilla. These things are so massive they can do whatever they want. Include scare the bejinkens out of me when walking home after dark. I don't understand why this wasn't taught in philosophy class â€" it's essential to living: when faced with an angry pig, do not think, run!

Deer. Actually, the deer aren't so bad. They're kind of funny, really. They have to be tied up because unlike every other mentally incapacitated animal inhabiting my neighborhood, if you let them loose they would actually bolt. Come to think of it, so would I, but that's another story. I don't like eating venison anyways, so no biggie. On with the run-down.

Goats. I don't eat goats either, but the things are actually the best entertainment this country has to offer. They also have the most remarkably expressive eyes I have seen in eons. I could almost imagine the kids to be, actual, well, kids. That aside, this big, black billy goat in our front yard eats everything. Shoes, bark, plastic. I wish I had a digestive system as stable as this guy's. If only he'd eat all the insects.

Actually, come to think of it â€" never mind. Animals aren't that bad. CHICKENS ARE EVIL. This is the moral of my story. Eat more chicken.