Still, van Gogh did not stop until he fell physically ill, and afterwards he admitted to his brother that “if it were not that I have almost a double nature, that of a monk and that of a painter, as it were, I should have been reduced, and that long ago, completely and utterly, to the aforesaid condition [madness]” (qtd. Tralbaut 261). He tested the boundaries of his sanity, relying on his Buddhist belief that life is suffering and his studies in nature to help discipline himself to constantly remain focused. Van Gogh never made it successfully through Arles without losing his sanity. His Buddhist monk model would fail him when one day in late 1888 he and Gauguin were arguing with each other. In a sudden fit of madness, van Gogh then attempted to kill his friend. Gauguin promptly fled from Arles, while van Gogh, in deep regret, cut off his own ear to punish himself (Uitert). Having been contained within for so long, the sudden outburst of insanity signified his loss of faith in Buddhism.