In order to prove that his devolution from aristocrat to bohemian was a process that involved an important amount of ambivalence by Lautrec, we need to know what exactly kept him attached to his old lifestyle. Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec was born an aristocrat, but two accidents left him permanently crippled and deformed. Although his childhood, and even more so, his life was painfully affected by his physical deformity, we cannot claim that his childhood was explicitly unhappy. From the letters of the painter himself we can infer that Lautrec cared very much for his family and his family cared for him, which explains his attachment to his past. Even after his second accident, Lautrec kept his spirits up in his relationship to his family, as apparent from a letter he sent to his Grandmother Louise: “I am as well as possible […] and I hope you aren’t worrying too much about me, for I don’t deserve it, being so clumsy.” (qtd. Frey, 106). The gentleness Lautrec invested in his letters and his care that his family shouldn’t worry too much for him makes us wonder whether he would be so insensitive towards the persons who raised him as to suddenly turn his back on them and on aristocracy as a lifestyle and adopt a living that he knew would cause them disgrace.
Of course, this is exactly what he did, but his reason might not be sheer eccentricity. As Gale Murray attests in her book Toulouse-Lautrec: A Retrospective, Lautrec turned to a bohemian life because he couldn’t obtain the acceptance he desired in his own aristocratic environment, his deformity bringing him the pity or contempt of his fellow aristocrats (Murray, 28). Thus, the reason for his choice to live among the marginal members of society is that they were the only ones to accept him and the only ones with whom he could identify himself, enabling him to paint his subjects not as an outsider, rendering what he would see when looking upon a taboo world from above, but as mere reflections of his own self. Bearing this in mind, we can argue that Toulouse-Lautrec moved to Montmartre only to find an appropriate environment in which he could paint and live without being looked down upon. He had no original intention of indulging in a lewd lifestyle, and the fact that he ended up leading one is a consequence rather than a purpose in itself. His discontent with his change of lifestyle emanates from a letter to his grandmother dating from December 28, 1886, in which Lautrec wrote:
[…]You know as well as I do, against my will, I’m living a bohemian life and I can’t get used to this atmosphere. The fact that I feel hemmed in by a number of sentimental considerations that I will absolutely have to forget if I want to achieve something makes me all the more ill at ease on the hill of Montmartre…(qtd. Murray, 74)
We cannot know for sure whether a painting of Carmen was among his “outside the law” deeds, but from this letter we can infer that his attraction towards the bohemian, “outside the law” lifestyle became irresistible, and his excitement inferred from his need to secretly confess to his grandmother was manifest. He was honest about the fact that he had indeed become a bohemian. However, this statement also conveys that he still needed some form of approval from his family, even from his father who had actually been quite absent during his childhood. He then confessed that his sentimental ties to his family prevented him from fully indulging in a bohemian life, although his art work required him to lead one. Thus, it is not with ease that Lautrec gave up his family bonds and his settling to Montmartre cannot be considered a “declaration of independence” from the influence of his family, as stated by Gisele Atterberry (Atterberry, 12).
Images:
Toulouse-Lautrec in 1884. Gilles Neret, Toulouse-Lautrec, p. 187
Portrait of Lautrec by Henri Rachou, 1883. Musee des Augustins, Toulouse, France.