I was late to Facebook. I joined in the end of 8th grade, and by that time all my friends had been on the site for at least a year. So when I did I finally join, I was ignorant to the numerous unspoken rules that governed this online social matrix that was populated with hundreds of my nearest and dearest friends, acquaintances, and those people I sorta knew. One day, a few weeks after my excursion into Facebook began, I wrote a short wall post on my friend’s wall. After I had posted it, I noticed that I had made a spelling mistake. In a simple effort to correct my error (as I am a perfectionist at heart), I deleted the post and replaced it with a nearly identical one, albeit error-free. I had no idea that I had just violated one of Facebook’s tacit social maxims.
Shortly thereafter, my friend inboxed me with a message that said something along the lines of, “Way to delete a wall post! CREEPY.” When I reacted with surprise, she proceeded to inform me that deleting a wall post before someone saw it was a no-no. She explained that the person gets a notification that you posted on their wall before quickly changing your mind, and therefore it makes it look like you posted something weird or suggestive that you decided to take back.
This interaction was my first indication that Facebook was governed by certain social norms – that there was an implicit set of social standards that dictated conduct on Facebook.
Interestingly enough, a big part of the social standards of Facebook, is that it is not acceptable to not be on Facebook. In middle school, when my friends all had Facebook accounts and I did not, I was constantly harassed by them as to why I did not have a Facebook. Mind you – this was 5 years ago. At that time, most of my friends had had Facebook accounts for little over than a year. Facebook had around 30 million users, compared to its 1 billion users of today. 5 years ago, the social pressure to join Facebook was significant. But today, I imagine that it must be overwhelming. Indeed, there is definitely a certain stigma to not being on Facebook. I noticed this when my high school friends were checking out their roommates on Facebook before going to college. When one of my friend’s couldn’t find her roommate on Facebook, everyone concluded that she must not have one and was probably very weird.
But the rules don’t stop once you’re on Facebook. There are specific norms to adhere to. The most obvious one is the notion of being “Facebook Official,” meaning that when a couple changes their relationship status on Facebook, the relationship is codified. It is on Facebook, therefore it exists. Similarly, if a user sets his or her profile picture to a photo exclusively with a member of the opposite sex, it probably means that they’re dating.
And then there is Facebook stalking. It’s acceptable (and everyone does it) as long as the other person doesn’t catch on to the fact that you’re going through all their photos. Then that would be creepy.
While these rules may seem bizarre or arbitrary on some level, on another, there couldn’t be anything more natural. Every institution – from schools to parties to libraries – have certain social norms to govern behavior. Why should Facebook be any different?